Navigating Relationships with Non-Affirming Christians as a Queer Person

A common challenge for LGBTQ+ individuals in Christian communities is engaging with non-affirming Christians - those who do not support queer identities. This often leads to fear and prolonged closeted living due to anticipated judgment and rejection. Typically, non-affirming Christians believe they are upholding their duty as faithful followers by expressing disagreement, thinking they are 'defending the truth.' However, this can send a hurtful message that their theological correctness is prioritized over compassionate support.

In such contexts, LGBTQ+ individuals face the dilemma of how to interact with these non-affirming members in their families, churches, or social circles. Walking away is not always simple, especially when deep emotional ties and shared faith are involved. Here are some approaches that might be helpful:

1. Avoid Theological Debates: Engaging in debates over theology with non-affirming Christians often proves fruitless and energy-draining. While it's essential to understand and articulate your beliefs, trying to change someone's heart or mind through argument rarely succeeds. It's better to provide resources for those interested and conserve your energy for more constructive endeavors.

2. Influence Through Personal Witness: Maintaining relationships with respectful, non-affirming Christians can be transformative. By living out your faith authentically, you allow them to witness the work of the Holy Spirit in your life. This approach aligns with the Biblical model of transformation, where witnessing the Spirit's movement led to changed hearts and minds, as seen in the inclusion of Gentiles in the early Church (Acts 10 and 11).

3. Separate from Harmful Relationships: In cases where non-affirming individuals persistently condemn your identity and demand change, it's healthy to disengage. Staying in environments where you're continuously challenged or criticized for who you are can be detrimental to your mental health and well-being. Finding supportive, affirming communities is crucial for your spiritual and emotional health.

It's important to remember that theological and ethical disagreements have always existed within Christianity. Aligning with everyone on every issue is not feasible or necessary. In today's world, numerous queer-inclusive churches and groups offer spaces to practice faith without constant defense. The priority should be finding a supportive community that encourages and nurtures your spiritual journey. Regardless of differing views within the Christian community, you are deserving of a place at God's table, affirmed and cherished as you are.